Theories about Tiger
It seems not everyone is buying into the idea that Tiger Woods is a human being, though Golfgal remains a believer. :) Fellow blogger William Wolfrum recently posted about the Hoax that is Tiger Woods, including the involvement of George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg. And Tony over at Hooked on Golf hints at Tiger's alien beginnings with a video snippet of Tiger in a space suit. (I got that email from Gatorade's PR machine, too, but I need more data to work it into my own theory.)
Back in 2006, I posited my own theories on Tiger, which had him being a robot, an alien and a changeling all at once. Pretty much everything but human. And he just keeps getting more and more dominant.
While Golfgal thinks Tiger's exuberant reaction to yet another dramtic win at the Arnold Palmer Invitational last weekend was a spontaneous (and human) response, I thought it was quite choreographed. He can't do the fist pump every time.
Tiger needed to make up some ground on Saturday and he would have shot 7 under if he needed to, but thanks to Vijay faltering at 3 over that day, Tiger kept it modest and dramatic by only shooting the required -4. Evidently, he was instructed to win but not by a landslide, and I think his leaders originally had a playoff in mind. Then before his putt on the 18th hole on Sunday, they had a little extrasensory (and invisible) conversation that went something like this:
Alien leader: We've already discussed this. You know we'd really like to see a playoff here. Your humanity is being questioned already.
Tiger: People expect dramatic putts from me. Besides, why play another hole or two and then make it exciting? Why not do it right here?
Alien Leader: Gpr8#kl2, we have this all worked out. We'll blink up your fuel cell while you're turning in your card, then you match strokes with the human for one hole and take him down on the next.
Tiger: No, listen... uh... respectfully, Your Grace. I have a new move I can use. It will look spontaneous. When people see my putt heading for the hole, they'll be expecting the standard fist pump. I'll take it up a notch - I've been running the internal simulations since the 15th hole so I've got it down. I stare down the ball while backing up as if I'm willing it into the hole and when it sinks, I suddenly remove my Nike cap and throw it on the ground! Uploading simulation to you now.
Alien Leader: Removing the Funders' headgear... interesting. Realistic, even...
Tiger: Yes, as though we're - I mean I - am not concerned about displaying the Logo during a win. Until I put it back on, of course. Isn't that human?
Alien Leader: Yes, and it will be a good opportunity to showcase our new "aged" hair pattern we've been working on. Okay, Gpr8#kl2, you are hereby authorized to proceed with this amended plan. Sink that putt and show everyone your moves.
And there you have it. As for Gatorade's involvement, I'm not sure where they're going with the space suit angle, but the video of Tiger's testing (including lots of electrodes and "human" sweat) tells me they're definitely in on it, knowingly or not.
